


I Swear On Your Name

by usahitsu



Series: Blue Flowers and X'es [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band), 걸어 | All in - Monsta X (Music Video)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Depression, Disability, Disabled Character, Established Relationship, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Poverty, Self-Sacrifice, changki are brothers, hyungwon is a sceptic, minhyuk just wants hyungwon to know how happiness feels like, showheon are childhood friends and so are changkiho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-06-14 15:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15391665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usahitsu/pseuds/usahitsu
Summary: The world they lived in had always been cruel and brutal. There was no place for sympathy because each was an opportunity for you to lose it all.But in the comfort of a small warehouse hidden by the growing vines on its walls were seven boys who managed to make a home in a world that didn't allow them any - seven boys who scavenged day and night the remnants of a golden past in search for a way to make it last while it can.And they did.In the form of books that spoke of a blue flower that could make their fantasies become realities.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Age of each character :
> 
> Hyunwoo - 23  
> Hoseok - 22  
> Minhyuk - 22  
> Kihyun - 22  
> Hyungwon - 21  
> Jooheon - 18  
> Changkyun - 16
> 
> This is heavily based on All In's MV but almost none of the actual storyline (the official one released by Starship) are used.
> 
> Jooheon is not a messenger or a recruiter in charge of forming the X-Clan in this AU but a childhood friend of Hyunwoo. The blue flower is not a 'luxury' like it is in All In's MV & Starship's official data. The seven of them are all rebels and other idols will appear as rebels as well.
> 
> Unbeta'ed.

It was the dust that that Minhyuk choked on, his allergies triggered by the onslaught and he let out a few loud sneezes right after the assault. Hyungwon threw him a glare from the other side of the room and was only given a sheepish smile as an apology. The lanky boy sighed and went back to

scavenging through the bountiful of boxes stacked on top of one another with remnants of cobwebs sticking to their surfaces. “You have a mask.Wear it please ,” Hyungwon complained.

  
Minhyuk poked out his tongue in retaliation – he couldn’t exactly fight back. He was a loud person by default and not even his whispers were silent. If he fights back, Hyunwoo would reprimand the both of them and send them back to the base without hesitation before they get caught by an officer.

  
They found the bunker by accident a few days before. Changkyun and Jooheon had went out to get supplies and scout the area for any change in the officers’ routines until boredom and curiosity took over the two. The abandoned place was an hour walk at best from where Hyunwoo had sent the two youngest – hidden underneath a pile of rocks and boulders. The door to it was on the ground and moss found home on its metallic surface.

  
Changkyun had always been the observant one in their small group of only seven boys – he was a follower unlike Hyunwoo who made sure they were all safe, and wasn’t able to care for people like his brother Kihyun. He wasn’t like Hoseok who had always had an affinity for fixing things with his blueprints nor energetic and sunny like Minhyuk who was a vitamin. He was neither Hyungwon who knew how the world works or the Jooheon who was only a year and a few months older but had a way with words . But he was Im Changkyun – the boy who always had an eye for odd and unordinary things that seemed out of place.

  
Jooheon had jumped over a fence but accidentally tripped and fell down the steep place covered in rocks and branches of dying trees. Changkyun was fast enough to run over to the end to catch Jooheon but before the older fell into his arms , he noted an odd sound when Jooheon’s feet were still struggling to find balance. And just like that, their adventure led to a jackpot of resources.  
A bunker full of yellowed , stained books and plants arranged from top to bottom along with a set-up of dozens of glass containers meant and concoctions stacked in the shelves alongside the walls.

  
Hyungwon was the one who offered to clean the place up and Minhyuk, as his loving boyfriend went along to accompany him.  
“I’m glad Kihyun isn’t here. He’d probably cuss whoever left this place as it is,” Minhyuk scowled. Sure, the place had a lot of useful things probably but it looked like a pigsty worse than his own room back at the warehouse. His snow white hair had turned grey from all the dust floating around and his knees covered in dirt from kneeling onto the dirty floor of dried mud. Whosever bunker this was, they left it in a rush probably.

  
Hyungwon hummed in agreement remembering how the mother hen fussed over a cup of water left on the floor that Hoseok forgot about for three days. Ranting for three hours seemed too much and impossible for everyone else, especially over a cup of water unless you’re Yoo Kihyun.

His hands wandered all around , fingers caressing the spine of each book on the bookshelf. Once they were clean,he noted the books seemed to be recent but Hyungwon was a boy who had read all the books in the local library. And the local library boasted of their collection – Hyungwon couldn’t recognise any of the titles or content.

While Minhyuk was busy stacking up the boxes into their cart outside above the hidden bunker, Hyungwon found himself immersed in the intricate details of the books’ cover. All the books had one distinct feature they all shared – a deep blue flower glossed with gold outlines and shiny despite possible years of weary. He took one out of the shelf by random selection and satisfied with his taking, he went upstairs to help his boyfriend carry the boxes back to the warehouse.

  
He was greeted by the older’s face as he emerged from the bunker’s dark and musty entryway , Minhyuk crouching with his hood over his face to shield him from the Sun’s ultraviolet rays. “What did you get?” he asked curiously. Hyungwon waved him the book with one hand and the other still gripped onto the ladder before Minhyuk moved out of the way and he hoisted himself upwards to get out.

  
The black-haired boy patted his pants to get rid of any remaining dirt residue from the ground before they leave for home, and Minhyuk took the opportunity to skim through the book when Hyungwon passed it to him. “The author wrote about some kind of flower and I don’t know. It sounded interesting,” he shrugged. He always had a fascination with flowers and maybe that was what got his attention.

  
Minhyuk’s eyes scanned the cover, trying to put a name to the engraved blue flower before his eyes. “It doesn’t seem like it’s a flower we know, though. I don’t think it exists,” he commented.

  
“Maybe it’s in the nursery, we haven’t been in there yet. We didn’t know the bunker existed until those two dumbasses decided to fool around anyway,” Hyungwon snorted at the memory of Jooheon and Changkyun getting an earful from Kihyun once they returned but three hours later than the designated curfew.  
Minhyuk hummed in agreement. He latched a sturdy rope to the cart and hooked it onto a ring he held in his right hand. Hoseok’s inventions always seemed weird but somehow they were often practical. Just like how most of the things that worked in their life now. Weird, but unquestionable.

  
The breeze was cold even under the scorching hot Sun and birds were soaring overhead in the empty blue sky. The trees’ yellowing leaves rustled among themselves as the birds perched themselves on the branches where they made their homes. Hyungwon found it whimsical that even birds could still call the dying trees their home, how they’re able to bear the heat and depleting fruits. But it was no different than his own.

  
“Ready?” Hyungwon grasped Minhyuk’s left hand in his, and rubbed his thumb over Minhyuk’s own. It was warm, and it was home – even if the world couldn’t be.

  
“Ready.”

×

  
The warehouse was serene for a change, each of its occupant was either down with exhaustion or decided that a peaceful night was something that could ease them for any incoming storm. Usually the youngest pair would mess around with Hoseok’s tools and that would end up with a scolding from not only Hoseok but also Kihyun unless the latter was busy bickering with his white-haired friend and his lanky significant other.

  
Hyunwoo was going through the boxes with Hoseok, taking out its contents one by one and set it aside on the cement floor while Changkyun played around with some of them looking like a puppy. Jooheon was resting on Kihyun’s lap despite how much the boy’s legs were trembling. Minhyuk and Hyungwon were already passed out – tired from the day’s activities after walking for over two hours and dragging kilograms of their loot.

  
“These are really old equipment. Mum showed them to me before in books, these models were discontinued when she was still a child!” Hoseok gasped at some of the sights sprawled on the floor. The metallic tools were rusty and deemed unusable. Some were already falling apart, age taking away its use. Outdated, and useless.

Jooheon didn’t move an inch from his spot, enjoying Kihyun’s fingers in his hair that reminded him of his late uncle’s bonding time with him. “So today’s loot is basically rubbish, you mean?” he eyed the boxes that were now empty – just ready to be burnt so that there would be no evidence of theft. They were basically thieves at this point but there was no way to survive if you weren’t one especially them. Poverty was a parasite rapidly killing its host, starving them from any more chances in life.

  
“That’s one way to put it. Hoseok, think you could scavenge some of the metals and melt them for Ki’s legs?” Hyunwoo asked. He began to sort them out by their colour – the rusted red ones thrown into the bin while the ones with bits of silver left in its body were placed back into the box. There were only a few that still had life in them, but the teenager supposed they were enough to maintain the metallic support in Kihyun’s legs.

  
Kihyun scrunched his nose. Every time he was reminded of his legs, phantom pain surged. It wasn’t that Kihyun was bothered by the disease that was actively rendering him immobile , rather the memories of the occasional dangerous surgeries done to open parts of his legs and the insertions of tiny , cold pieces of metal to stop the spreading of it while making sure he could still walk. Scars littered his legs where Hyunwoo and Minhyuk would cut up and deliberately replace the metals – carelessly sewn wounds that healed over time. But each one was done better than the last.

  
He signalled Jooheon to get up and the younger complied with a loud yawn. Kihyun reached out to grab his crutches from the other end of the seat and slid his arms onto the crutches before lifting himself off the sofa with a grunt. He really needed to replace the insertions soon – his legs wouldn’t stop shaking and aching.

  
Changkyun moved out of the way before Kihyun could step on him, and yelped in pain when his brother’s crutch accidentally hit him in the head. “Ow, hyung!” he rubbed the top of his head where his brother’s crutch had hit, but softened his glare when he saw the brunet’s legs starting to wobble.

  
“Oops, sorry..it’s just…fuck, I don’t know,” Kihyun sighed in exasperation. Maybe his legs were getting worse than he thought. It had spread to his thighs for the past month now, but no one knew. He didn’t need to worry them more with his dying body. Hyunwoo had his grandfather to worry about, and he still had to care for Changkyun in place of their parents.

  
Hyunwoo caught Kihyun’s pained expression and immediately went over to where his boyfriend was, letting his arm support him by resting it at the shorter’s waist before anything could happen. Worry grew in him when he took in Kihyun’s condition. “You shouldn’t move a lot,” he cautioned, his tone laced with concern but was only met with a sharp gaze. Though Kihyun welcomed the thought, he still felt a bit of resentment. The shorter moved out of Hyunwoo’s arms by pushing them away and headed for the spot where his boyfriend sat before.

  
Kihyun slowly let himself down onto the floor and arranged his legs on top of one another to sit cross-legged, but his eyes were trained onto the sorted metal. They were shiny and glistening at some parts – out of place in their rundown warehouse where the zinc oxide walls were rusty and holed and kept together by welded beams of aluminium that became its frame. The small single lightbulb above their heads was accompanied by the peeking moonlight through their makeshift windows ( or square-shaped holes in the walls, to be precise. Any wood they found could be used for fire, any metal bars for Kihyun’s legs, any glass could be used for Minhyuk’s nursery – a hole was enough ).

  
The eldest took a seat next to his boyfriend and brought over the box to their side gently, careful to not wake Minhyuk and Hyungwon two doors away. “I’ll melt some of these later. Hoseok, how much do you need for your stuff and Kihyun’s?” Hyunwoo turned to the platinum blond in front of him. Hoseok thought of how much it took the previous time Kihyun needed readjustment and the pile of blueprints he holed up in the workshop’s trunk. Inspiration hasn’t hit him a while but there were major improvements to be made to their equipment and the warehouse. After all, they couldn’t keep working with broken earpieces or GPS that goes haywire every now and then.  
“Just half of those would do. I’ve still got some left at the workshop that can last us a few months’ worth of replacement for Kihyun. I don’t need a lot for upgrades so you can sell the rest off,” he calculated and explained. Changkyun perked up at the conversation, eyes wide.

  
“Jungkook said his group and Chanyeol-hyung had some extra fuel from a trade off with another district’s group and they’d be willing to exchange it for either metal or medicine, if you’d like I can send him a text right now for reservations,” Changkyun suggested as he remembered the call last night with another group . Hyunwoo thought over the tempting suggestion – each aspect seemed appealing. They were running low on fuel to operate the warehouse and workshop, and it wasn’t sufficient enough for the jeep. The fuel might be able to last until Hoseok and himself went to their usual spot to get their monthly quota.

  
Hoseok seemed to catch onto Hyunwoo’s train of thoughts and honestly he felt the same. There was no use for extra metal until they really needed it and with how dangerous it would be for Kihyun, it was better to not leave them around scattered over the floor. “Sure, ring them up later. Ask for a week’s worth of fuel for the jeep. Their Hoseok will know,” he replied in Hyunwoo’s stead.

  
Changkyun nodded and got up to run to his room for his phone but bumped into a dazed Minhyuk and a sleepy Hyungwon on the way. “Sorry, were we loud?” the child asked wary of his hyungs’ sleepy state. Minhyuk waved him an acknowledgement and just yawned that Changkyun took as an acceptance of his apology. He went out of their way, dodging the bulbs hung low from the ceiling as he scampered off to his shared room with Jooheon and Hoseok.

  
The two made their way to their small ‘living room’ and took up the space Jooheon left for the pair to sit on. In Hyungwon’s hand was the book he took from the bunker, his fingers already becoming bookmarks for any important pages that he found. “Hey,” he greeted them once he sat down. Minhyuk kicked his legs in the air after plopping himself in between Hyungwon and Jooheon.

  
Jooheon noticed the book and pointed at it, “what’s it about?” Minhyuk shrugged in defeat. “The author kept talking about a blue flower and something about its magical properties.”

  
Kihyun perked up, “Magical properties?”

  
Hyungwon nodded and threw the book in Kihyun’s direction, not worried at all if it would hit Kihyun. And true to his predictions, Hyunwoo caught the book in time but not before Kihyun let out a shriek. “What the fuck, Hyungwon?!” the shorter screeched ready to throttle the younger even if he was half Hyungwon’s size.

  
While the two were bickering with Jooheon and Hoseok mediating their argument before it escalated, Hyunwoo skimmed through the pages Hyungwon had marked with stickers. Hundreds of words registered in his head but what caught his attention most was the word ‘wish’.

  
“Wish?”

  
“That’s the magical part, hyung. This book – or journal whatever, it’s a documentation of some sort of this flower. And the author said it grants wishes if you brew it correctly,” Hyungwon scoffed. The idea was nonsensical to him, nothing in life was free. Not in their world where the rich thrive off making the poor cry and beg for even a grain of rice. Call him a sceptic, but Hyungwon was never one to believe in non-scientific matters that had no solid evidence.

  
“What if you don’t brew it correctly?” Jooheon enquired.

  
“You pay a price, probably.”

  
Kihyun looked over Hyunwoo’s large arms, able to peek a bit at the words swimming all over the pages. “Sounds like alchemy. Philosopher’s stone or something of the same calibre,” he snorted. Something like that wouldn’t be able to exist. If it did, it wouldn’t do them any good anyway. The authorities would find it, exploit it, and then it’ll just be another cycle but of a higher degree.

  
Hyunwoo entertained the idea, however. If it was true, then maybe there was a way for them to live and not just survive. Sure, this life was the only one they had ever known but maybe, just maybe if he could get a hold of them his grandfather would be here with them ,jokingly asking Kihyun to not elope and run away with his grandson and maybe Kihyun wouldn’t be crying at times when it became unbearable. Maybe the small warehouse they called home could become a true safe haven for them not just a poor excuse of a storage area.

  
But the thought was fleeting and buried right after by the mountain of worries and the reality that came crashing.

  
He felt a squeeze on his arm where Kihyun rested his head and saw the deep dark brown eyes that he loved staring at him. “Baby?” the brunet asked in a whisper. Kihyun could tell exactly what was running through his boyfriend’s mind. It was always the same thing but Kihyun could neither chastise nor complain about it. After all, it was his drive that resulted in their small family.  
“I’m okay,” Hyunwoo whispered back and tilted his head. He kissed the top of Kihyun’s hair where some stray strands stood in place. The younger nuzzled into Hyunwoo’s arms, taking in the musky scent that he was familiar with.

  
Minhyuk exaggeratingly gagged at the spectacle. “Ew, mum and dad being romantic,”

  
“Ew, two bottom twinks had sex last night,” Kihyun retorted.

  
“It’s called being a switch, honey – get up to date with life.”

  
“The only update patch I want in life is one without you.”

  
“That’s enough you two,” Hyunwoo argued. He really didn’t need a migraine before going to bed even if it’s just the two’s usual playful banter. Minhyuk and Kihyun both stuck out their tongues at each other in a childish manner before they went to cuddle their respective lovers.

  
They still had to discuss and choose who would go to the bunker tomorrow to take the rest of the books out and open the last room. The nursery was the only one left untouched but neither Minhyuk nor Hyungwon could do the job as fatigue would cost them a day of work gone. In the end, Hyunwoo thought it’d be best if he and Changkyun were the ones to do the dirty job. Hoseok had to man the workshop and he couldn’t do it alone just in case someone decided to gamble their situation.

 

Changkyun returned with a pillow in his arms and jumped onto the sofa to land himself on Hyungwon and Minhyuk’s skinny legs. Both of them yelled in pain when they felt the crushing impact of Changkyun’s landing. “If I get a bruise tomorrow, I’m going to kill you,” Hyungwon threatened.

  
“Not if Kihyun hyung kills you first,”Changkyun grinned.

 

“I’ll kill the both of you if you don’t shut up, Kyun especially” Minhyuk growled . The lack of sleep was evident in his burst of frustration.

  
“If you kill my brother, I’m going to poison you.”

  
“Can you even reach me, midget?”

  
“Then I’ll just shove whatever metal there are in my legs the next time you open them and give you tetanus. A slow and painful death. Hooray to expensive vaccines and greedy rich swines , prick.”

  
Hyunwoo sighed once more. He loved them to death and even more, but sometimes they were overwhelming. He rubbed his chin with his thumb, wondering how did they all come together under one roof as a small family. A family of seven clashing personalities that were so black and white but complemented each other well that the grey it made was right in the middle, a perfect balance that brought a hope for a beautiful future even in an ugly world of murky hues and dirty deeds. It was going to be a long night before they could calm down just enough to go to sleep. But these were the fights he’d rather have than the ones that’ll have blood on his hands.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dawn marks a new day.

As they’ve discussed the day before, Changkyun was to go with Hyunwoo to the bunker while Hyungwon and Minhyuk stayed at the warehouse with Kihyun. Hoseok and Jooheon had left long before the sun even peeked to the workshop the former’s mother had passed to him before she herself had gone without a simple goodbye said.

 

“Come back before the sun goes down, okay?” Kihyun squeezed Changkyun’s shoulders before leaning in and then pecking the boy’s left cheek. The oil lamp illuminating the makeshift front porch made Changkyun’s face older than his age, he noted but there was the gnawing feeling in his being because really – Changkyun acted older than he should be. Going through things he shouldn’t have to at his age. But he had no other choice.

 

The younger grasped the lunchbox his brother gave to him moments prior tightly. It was still warm and Changkyun relished in the radiating heat. He wondered what was inside : the chicken Jooheon was forced to boil alive yesterday or fried vegetables that Hoseok stole from his trip to the city centre? He figured it didn’t matter to him much – as long as it’s his brother’s.

 

Kihyun stepped away from the youngest of them all but a step closer to the eldest. He craned his neck upwards but it was so obvious it was uncomfortable to him that Minhyuk started laughing at his predicament. To his chagrin, Hyunwoo laughed along . Kihyun turned to his feet, face red in embarrassment.

 

“Hey,” Hyunwoo crouched down to his height.

 

Kihyun looked straight in those dark orbs – it reminded him of grinded coffee beans, the ones he kept in an aluminium tin hidden underneath a board at the kitchen because Hoseok was a workaholic and Hyungwon would go overboard because all he could do was sleep. Those eyes were made him feel safe and that everything was alright.

 

Then he looked at the rifle laid on his boyfriend’s large and broad back, attached to a wool strap hung over the sturdy shoulders. And like every morning, he was reminded that their world was not safe – that their lives were short and disposable in the eyes of the bastards living in a city of neon lights and mindless gambles.

 

The ache in his legs grew from throbbing to stings, but none of it compared to the drowning in his heart.

 

Kihyun cupped Hyunwoo’s face with both of his hands – so small, they’re so so small, Hyunwoo thought over and over again – “ Come home in time for dinner, alright? “ he said teary-eyed. His voice was shaky and ridden with fear.

 

There were no pleadings , no begging. It had become an topic of taboo for them, an unsaid “please come home safe and alive,” as no one wanted to acknowledge how small they were in comparison to the people dressed in bulky black gear with helmets protecting all but their honesty. They were rebels living in a slum in the outskirts of what could have been a prosperous town had greed to infected many and left it a ghost town.

 

Hyunwoo placed his larger ,rougher hands onto the chubby stubs framing his face and gave a soft, warm kiss to Kihyun’s pursed lips. It was a brief but it was enough for them both : their world is not safe, but as long as they were all alright, then that was all that mattered.

 

“Before the Sun goes down, we’ll give a call when we’re on our way back,” the larger man gave a grin.

 

Kihyun let go of his face and brought both of his hands to his sides. The trembling in his legs were fading but Hyungwon was watching over him from the sides, ready to grab him before he falls. 

 

Hyunwoo didn’t know. No, it was Kihyun’s little secret with Minhyuk and Hyungwon.

 

Hyunwoo straightened his back and headed for their jeep parked under a tree, its black paintjob courtesy of the group’s beloved two babies. Changkyun followed suit , yelled a “bye!” along with a wave on his way to the vehicle. The older of the two got into the car and started it, the engine’s roars echoing in the forest and birds wrestled the leaves in fear – flying off branches not knowing that the engine was far less harmless than the shotguns officers were armed with.

 

The jeep’s silhouette kept getting smaller as seconds passed until eventually Hyunwoo made a turn at the fork a few hundred metres aware from their porch, and along with the jeep – Hyunwoo and Changkyun’s figure disappeared.

 

Kihyun let out a sharp breath that he held in and just like every morning, the shivers in his leg came back. He gave out, letting the pain take over and spread all over. Minhyuk rushed to his aid, his arms ready to catch Kihyun before he fell into them.

 

The brunet looked at his friend with gratitude, “ thanks, Min.”

 

He grinned and blew Kihyun’s bangs out of the younger’s eyes.

 

“Anything for you.”

 

It wasn’t pain that took over but the anxiety that overflowed. Their world had long been cut off from means of safety. Anyone who stepped out or ventured out were on suicide missions whether they went into abandoned military ground or the radiation poisoning their lives. 

 

The only way to know they’re safe and sound is when they come home. 

 

“Let’s get inside, yeah?”

 

x

 

The car ride was short compared to the two hours-long walk Minhyuk and Hyungwon had taken the day before. It wasn’t that Hyunwoo wasn’t a social person because he really was – it was just that he wasn’t a talker. Changkyun didn’t mind, he welcomed the silence and the sounds of the tyres wearing on the uneven occasionally muddy grown. Their area had no asphalt roads, and neither their destination.

 

When they came to a stop right at the side of a familiar slope, the brunet ran out of the jeep excitedly and slammed the door loudly. “Kyun, what did I say about slamming the door?!” the older of the two yelled but it was no use – Changkyun could barely hear what he said. 

 

“Don’t worry about it ,Dad! Just hurry down, gosh!” he laughed as he ran down, but his footsteps were careful and calculated – Changkyun had already grown accustomed to rough terrain when he played with Jooheon.

 

Hyunwoo pushed the hanging vines and lounging branches out of the way as he chased the child – the younger and his brother were small and lithe and he cursed himself for the brief thought of how that was probably an upside to the malnutrition the two suffered.

 

Compared to Changkyun, he didn’t spend a lot of time at the bunker and his steps were large, almost tripping over smaller stones if he wasn’t careful or slipping on the moist moss that grew over the boulders’ surfaces.

 

He reached the door a few minutes after Changkyun did and the latter had his hands in his pockets impatiently. “Hyung, that took you long,” he pouted. Hyunwoo ruffled his hair then crouched down to open the hatch unlocking each that Hoseok had set on it the day after the two youngest came home exclaiming their joy over the discovery.

 

Hyunwoo let the younger go first then when he heard a light thud from below, he quickly got onto the ladder and descended down into the darkness without forgetting to keep the door hidden with piles of dead branches. The further down he went, the colder the air got so Hyunwoo’s breath were found in collectives of puffs – sometimes the man wondered how could Hyungwon handle the cold when he was barely any meat. Surely, Minhyuk had a reason to call his boyfriend a body heater?

 

When he reached the end, Changkyun greeted him with a grin before dashing off further into the bunker. The lights were automatic, its sensors strangely working even after evident years of not being put to use. One by one, the tunnel leading into the deeper parts of the bunker illuminated the metallic stainless walls. Hyunwoo chased after the boy.

 

“Changkyun, don’t run!”

 

“Don’t worry, hyung! I’m not Jooheon hyung!”

 

Hyunwoo laughed at that. He was glad that Changkyun acted like a child, really.

 

The kid had gone through so much that sometimes acting like one made him crawl with anxiety and fear. It was an unfamiliar persona – being a child, that is – even though he still had months before his 17th.

 

Their loud footsteps came to a stop when they reach the door leading to the nursery. Hyungwon and Minhyuk had cleared out the archive as much as necessary, with only a few books left to bring back so all that was left was to crack open the door.

 

With some tools Hoseok had left the other day, they went to work.

 

Jooheon and Hoseok worked together to design a small bomb that could open the nursery, it was more like a firecracker really : a harmless stream of gunpowder meant to force open the hatch as the combustion left the air expanding rapidly – pushing through the meeting point of the door and the doorway as an effort to get out. But it was a meticulous plan : small enough that it wouldn’t hurt Hyunwoo and Changkyun but strong enough to set apart a sealed door without damaging it extensively. 

 

“I’ll go set it up. Kyun, be on standby – get ready to run, “ Hyunwoo ordered. Changkyun stepped back, letting the leader carry out their plan.

 

It didn’t take him long – a good design was an efficient one that’s both not risking nor wasting.

 

“I’ll count to three, get ready.”

 

“Be careful, hyung. Run away as soon as something seems off, “ Changkyun pleaded. 

 

“I’m a former athlete who’s still recruited for labour, shouldn’t you be worried about yourself Mr Chicken Legs?”

 

“I don’t want to explain the death of my brother-in-law and suffer his wailing. His voice already sounds like a dying whale when he isn’t. “

 

“You’re really talking as if I’m seriously going to die.”

 

Changkyun shrugged and then sped off to the other end where he was sure he could still help the older at the same time escape if it was too late to do anything else. Once Hyunwoo saw the boy waving a few dozens of metres away from his spot, he started the countdown. 

 

When he reached three, Hyunwoo pressed the trigger and the door popped open with no trouble.

 

“Well that was anti-climatic, “ Changkyun yelled, disappointed laced in his words. The older frowned, “It’s better than being blinded or losing our hearing.” He ran over to the opened hatch with excitement running in his veins. He looked like a joyful puppy who just got a new rubber ball to play with.

 

(Kihyun must not know that he saw his brother as a pet dog. Nope.)

 

Hyunwoo had gone to the hatch first checking if the door was safe enough to use. If it fell apart apart being opened – there wasn’t much problem really. It was just going to be messier and tedious to close since the door was unhinged from its place. He shooed Changkyun away a few steps back and then hooked his hands onto the door’s brim. Hyunwoo gave out a slight huff before focusing all of his strength into his arms – pulling the door open with slight difficulty.

 

Changkyun from afar saw the inside of the room.

 

As indigo blue splattered with ultramarine entered his vision, awe built up within him.

 

“Hyung, you can stop. That’s wide enough,” the boy placed his hand gently on Hyunwoo’s shoulder. The older released his hold and backed up, before rounding the corner to peeked inside. Changkyun had the same idea, curiosity becoming his drive.

 

The two stared in awe at the view before them.

 

Patches of flowers grew across the floor and from it to the ceiling. Some were indigo, some were ultramarine, but never violet or azure. They grew in shapes of small trees, but connected to each other one way or another. Small petals but some were still budding – a baffled mystery especially since the only thing that they seemed to be fed with was the artificial light from the bulb above. Somehow, the room was glowing in its blue hues, but they were pulsing almost.

 

Hyunwoo stood still,unsure of what to think of the situation. These weren’t normal flowers - it was not their common daisies or the morning glories that crept around their wooden fences. They weren’t rare like the orchids the town florists would import from cities far away. In fact, the flowers were otherworldly. Undocumented perhaps because flowers that glow in the dark ? It would be impossible to not know of such flora. 

 

They were grimly beautiful.

 

“Hyung, these flowers, could they be the ones in the book?” Changkyun’s voice wavered not from fear but from the overwhelming shock. He had always been fascinated by strange things but not shocked. Something felt off about them - the way the flowers seemed to be sentient . It felt like they were all staring back at the two of them, stripping them bare to the core.

 

The older took Changkyun’s hand in his , “Let’s take a break. We’ll give them a call later, yeah? Maybe Hyungwon read something in the book. Whatever these are - there’s something about them.”

 

Changkun nodded and followed the man out of the room, not letting go of the hand nor took his eyes off from the intriguing patches of blue sprawled all over the room.

 

They went out of the room, passed by the lights illuminating the halls in shades of blue and pink. Not The vibrant shades soon faded into the familiar white as the two reached another part of the bunker where rows of doors were. The rooms were empty the last time Jooheon and Changkyun brought Kihyun down here with them , save for the odd marks on the floor imitating Xs in the form of crosses.

 

They never found out what they meant nor did they bother to. Survival was crucial, there wasn’t any time for mind games.

 

The duo stopped at the ladder to the entry and Changkyun went up first with Hyunwoo’s help supporting his body from below. The boy climbed up and opened the hatch, lunged himself over then Hyunwoo followed.

 

They had left their packed meals back in the car : the heater would keep the food warm after all. The bunker was cold all around so the food would quickly get cold.

 

Changkyun took both his and the older’s canteen from the backseat and carried both in his hands while having a large thermos under his armpit. He walked towards where Hyunwoo was laying down on a cleared spot.

 

“Thanks,” the man took the container , moved a bit to leave space for the younger to sit.

 

Changkyun didn’t hesitate and plopped onto the ground uncaring if the canteen would drop from his hands. He took a glimpse at his hyung and saw the man already gulping down mouthfuls of the kimbap his brother had prepared for the both of them. Changkyun took it as a cue to start diving into the food.

 

It didn’t take them long to empty the canteen : two growing people with large appetites . Hyunwoo was the first one to finish his but Changkyun couldn’t stomach some of food. “Hyung , can you eat the rest? It’d be a waste if I can’t finish it…” he offered. Hyunwoo didn’t bat an eye and took the container out of the younger’s hands and dug in.

 

The boy watched him eat. Mouthfuls of his brother’s food disappearing instantly .

 

“I’m glad hyung has you.”

 

“Huh?” Hyunwoo choked. The question was out of nowhere and he got startled.

 

Changkyun curled up, his thighs pressed against his chest and his face buried in his knees.

 

“I’m glad we have you,hyung,” he said.

 

“I’m glad to have you too but what brought that up?” Hyunwoo asked, eyebrows cocked upwards while he stuffed the last of the kimbap into his mouth. The younger turned his head to face the man but his eyes darted away from his gaze.

 

“I don’t think I’ll be here if hyung and you had never met. Don’t tell hyung I said this but he’s kind of like Mum. And you’re kind of a dad. I know it sounds weird, sorry,” Changkyun muttered not knowing how to elaborate further.

 

Hyunwoo’s heart sank.

 

“Kyun-ah, I can’t replace your dad.”

 

“What? No - it’s not that ,hyung,” Changkyun gagged. Hyunwoo let out a sigh of relief. 

 

“It’s just … Kihyung-hyung had always taken after Mum more than Dad did. Almost everything he does reminds me of her. But that’s the thing hyung - I can’t remember Mum anymore and when I do, it’s Kihyun-hyung that’s coming into my mind.He’s so much like her that I can’t see her anymore. I’m scared of losing her. I’ve already lost them before and what’ll happen if I can’t even remember them anymore?” Changkyun buried his face further, not daring to look at the man in the eye.

 

“Hey…” Hyunwoo reached out to ruffle the boy’s hair and Changkyun let the action calm him.

 

“Hyung, you’re really like a dad you know? I don’t remember Dad much either but you’re like the dad of the group. Always caring for us. Always watching over us. Always being responsible for our sake even if we got caught or if we made trouble with the townsfolk. Are you sure you’re not married to Kihyun-hyung and had like 5 kids?”

 

Hyunwoo didn’t say anything but let out a laugh.

 

“ If he catches you saying that, he would baby you more, “ Hyunwoo warned. Changkyun whined.

 

They sat that way for a while, enjoying the occasional breeze cooling them down

. 

Changkyun looked over once more to Hyunwoo - at each of the man’s distinct features. Cheekbones more prominent after losing baby fat and the food rationing. Defined arm muscles, with scars littering his golden skin. He had eye bags, not obvious but they were there. 

 

He looked different from the Hyunwoo both him and Kihyun met at the over-crowded hospital years back.

 

The younger Hyunwoo was energised but had no idea what to do.This Hyunwoo was tired but determined to keep going.

 

But he still had the same heart. 

 

Changkyun leant towards the older and pressed his cheek against his upper arms. 

 

> It was warm but neither hard nor soft. It reminded him once more of him barely being 10 years old, his brother still having a few months left before turning 16 and eligible to to work as an cashier at one of the shops, of him sleeping in the then 17 year old Hyunwoo’s arms. Reminds him of Grandpa Son who had just gotten hospitalised but all was okay. Because they were together even in the small room, even when Grandpa Son couldn’t lift his arm or when the doctors said Kihyun’s legs would only get worse and to throw away all hopes of a better life. 

 

Hyunwoo’s eyes were tired. But they were filled with hope. 

 

“Hyung, thank you.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'ed.
> 
> and a little insight on the rest of the universe.
> 
> thanks for deciding to suffer through the poor formatting, repetitive expressions, and grammar @_@

The morning chill brought a shiver through Jooheon’s body. The boy wasn’t dressed in thick, warm clothes rather in black short sleeves and shorts courtesy of Hyunwoo’s childhood. He was around the same size as the older back when Hyunwoo was his age so Grandpa Son decided to hand it down to the boy – it would be a waste to throw them away especially if they were still in perfect condition. After all, they couldn’t afford to buy new ones.

 

Jooheon let out a breath and he watched it visualised as white puffs of air right in front of his eyes. The weather was definitely colder than it should be despite it being unpredictable so Jooheon’s sure that they wouldn’t be getting as much customers as they would be able to on a warm day. Maybe Hoseok would have the shop closed early to go home. The heater stopped working a few weeks back and neither of them had time to fix it up.

 

“Hyung, will we ever fix that thing or should we throw it out?” Jooheon squinted at the heater snuggled in the corner of the shop, right on top of wooden boxes where spare metal was kept. His job was simple – stay at the counter, ring the customers up, talk with the representatives of the other rebel groups, alarm Hoseok when officers were around and lie. But most of the time, he lazed in his chair countied the grown weeds in Eunseo’s withering flowerbed or greeted the passing children.

 

Hoseok could hear the boy from outside the open door even though the workshop was underground hidden from an outsider’s eye. He thought about it before – to throw it out since he couldn’t afford replacing the broken parts nor were there any that he could find from the rubbish dump. The old thing was as old as his late mother and factories had long closed down since before he was even born. It would be impossible to find any spare parts at that point.

 

“ I don’t know. I kinda wanna throw it out since we can’t use it anymore but the metal can be used for Kihyun’s legs. Then again, maybe I can forge some of the spare parts from the other metal scraps here to fix it. Seems like winter will come soon.”

 

Jooheon pouted. The weather was never in order, or made sense. It was unpredictable – a hot summer’s day, a winter’s freezing night a few hours later, an autumn’s blizzard of leaves coming in as a torrent soon after, and then maybe back to summer once more. It didn’t make sense. No one bothered to make sense of it after it became apparent that their world was beyond repair. All they could do was take it as it was and make it through alive.

 

It was the world they were born in, the only one they knew of.

 

The boy spun his chair time and time again and tried to find ways to alleviate his increased sense of boredom. Hoseok didn’t trust him in the workshop – as an assistant maybe but that was only handing over tools or being a light stand. There were no customers in sight either. Snowflakes made their presence – danced in the air slowly while descending to join the others that piled up on the ground. Jooheon watched the small mound grow higher each time easily amused by the forming snowpile.

 

Hoseok stopped his work for a short break. He was working on a commissioned mould and cast for another rebel group but it would take a while for the metal to cool down and take the shape. He settled on bothering the younger seeing as the only other plan in their schedule for the day was meeting up with the boys from Omelas and Exodus City.

 

Hoseok tip-toedin the room careful not to let out a sound to announce his presence to Jooheon who was engrossed in the snowstorm. He crept up right next to him and whispered “Boo!” in the boy’s ear, startling the younger who jumped out of his chair and scrambled on the ground. Jooheon flailed around for a little bit his mind too focused on saving himself from the sudden sound but once a few moments passed, his brain finally registered it was just his hyung being an asshole again.

 

“Hyung, please stop doing that!” he begged unamused by Hoseok who was laughing on the floor without a single pity towards him. Jooheon squirmed away from the blond grumbling about how he should’ve gone with Hyunwoo and Changkyun to the bunker and let Hoseok freeze his ass off tending to the shop alone. He grabbed a wet rag, gave it a few squeezes and threw it at the older’s face. Hoseok shrieked at the sudden attack , disgusted at the cold and soggy sensation.

 

“Hey, I just cleaned the place up an hour ago!”

 

“That’s what you get for being an asshole.”

 

“I just whispered in your ear!”

 

“Hyung, haven’t you read the Order? Demons whisper in your ear.”

 

“A demon? With this face?” Hoseok cupped his face, smiling widely at the other.

 

“It’s exactly that face that you would be a demon. Not an angel,” Jooheon countered. He shuddered at the memory of the townsfolk who would occasionally pass by muttering words of awe at Hoseok’s looks and physique and then disgust built up in his being when he recalled the male lead of Minhyuk’s favourite cliché romance novel – tall, pale, blond, buff and to boot, an incubus. No matter what, Jooheon couldn’t think of anyone else but Hoseok whenever he read the book.

 

It’s not his fault that people lust for handsome demons as a fantasy.

 

Hoseok kicked the boy in retaliation and earned an ‘ouch!’ once Jooheon got enough and pinched his stomach.

 

Hoseok’s not vengeful person by nature nor does he hate anyone. But he was a petty person for the dumbest reasons.

 

Still on the cement floor of the shop, he took hold of Jooheon’s ankle and pulled on it. Jooheon yelped and while he tried to kick the blond’s hand off from his leg, he failed miserably. Kihyun would be so proud if he knew Hoseok finally made physical use of his muscles instead of luring in customers just by flexing unintentionally. He pulled a muscle as he tried to free himself from Hoseok’s grasp but aimed a kick with his other leg right at the older’s hands.

 

It was Hoseok’s turn to shriek but he didn’t let go of Jooheon’s ankle either. Using his left arm, he shielded himself from Jooheon’s attack. Both of them threw curses at each other wanting to stop the fight but neither were willing to lose.

 

“Are you guys done?”

 

The two turned to the voice and their gazes met with the one belonging to a man Hoseok’s age.

 

Yoongi was perched over the counter, with a brow quirked upwards at the display of the two on the floor. Behind him stood Jungkook, Namjoon, Yixing , and Kyungsoo. They looked terribly out of place in the dull and dying landscape of Montre – the Omelas boys were colourful from head to toe in bizarre styles and the Exodus City duo dressed in a similar fashion but clothes that were impractical to wear in Montre’s odd climate.

 

Hoseok perked up and let go of Jooheon’s ankle ( to which the younger exclaimed his freedom and escaped the room right after ) letting out a gasp at their guests. Yoongi gave him his signature gummy smile, his mint-green bangs failing to cover his crescent eyes. “Didn’t you guys say you just left a few hours ago?” the blond asked.

 

Yoongi shrugged but pointed to Namjoon who was trading fist bumps with Jooheon. “The Exodus gang found some decommissioned vehicles – I don’t know what they’re called – and Joon managed to hijack one. They’re large , maybe large enough to even house all those Enn City boys. I wouldn’t call them cars though- more like an oversized RV? Looks like one of those flying spaceships if you ask me.”

 

“And it’s decommissioned? Hell, those things would cost millions!”

 

“You know those upper Exodus folks. Crazy rich, crazy ideas, crazy wasting. But hey, that thing has no attachment or connection to the government there anymore so it’s all ours now,” the mint-haired boy smirked, his hands imitating a champagne toast in mockery of Exodus’ elites.

 

Hoseok got up and faced Yoongi , a snicker left his mouth. “You say that as if Omelas isn’t rich.”

 

“Oh Omelas is rich. Look at me, I’m dressed in a hand-me-down shirt, a jacket belonging to the district’s Good Will foundation, my shoes are all faded black from the first-time wear and I live in a 5-star hotel called the junkyard,” Yoongi gagged. Hoseok rolled his eyes at the sarcasm.

 

“The hijack used up a lot of our resources and some of the parts required replacement since it either got rusty or fried up. Since you guys said you have extra metal and we desperately need it, we just went ahead and do it now. What did you ask for again? Fuel? Jungkook got them lined up outside already,” Kyungsoo said unenthusiastically as he placed a box on top of the counter.

 

Jooheon pointed at the box, curiosity filling his being. Namjoon noticed and the corner of his lips turned upwards.

 

“That’s something Hani-noona came up with. We had a transit at Iaxeyedy before coming here,” Namjoon explained. He motioned Hoseok to open the box up, and it was evident that he was excited for Hoseok and Jooheon’s reactions to the box content.

 

Hoseok’s fingers carefully lifted the lid and uncovered the content slowly.

 

They were pieces of jewellery and below were stacks of vests.

 

“They look normal but we tested it out just now. I asked her for some bulletproof vests and trust me these vests don’t even scratch when there’s a bullet grazing against it.”

 

“Kyungsoo shot me and I’m still alive,” Yixing exclaimed.

 

“The material’s Exodus City’s Elyxion tree leaves infused with Omelas’ Smeraldo extract. The tree of Life’s fabric was already strong on its own being durable but the Smeraldo flower extract gave it its regeneration factor,” Kyungsoo noted.

 

“Regeneration? What the fuck?” Jooheon awed.

 

Yoongi nodded with pride. “Amazing, isn’t it? It won’t ever wear out. The regeneration speed’s ridiculous. Hani engineered some of the extract and made it a few hundred times faster.”

 

“What about these jewellery?”

 

Jungkook squealed and rushed over at the counter, “ Try it on, hyung! Try it, try it!” Jooheon was excited too and snatched the box out of Hoseok’s grasp and eyed for one that was to his liking. He picked a simple necklace and hung it around his neck.

 

“Now, just think you need protection or something!” Jungkook clapped his hands. Namjoon sighed and went to Jooheon instead. “Hani-noona and I found some way to revolutionise our weapons. Our current firearms are bulky and obvious so we thought of something that’s not only hidden in plain sight but also more lethal. Now, just imagine you’re in some kind of danger.”

 

Jooheon was confused but did it anyway. It was easy to imagine – Montre was a district where you live in the moment, not in the past nor you probably won’t have a future. It was a place where laws were far more relaxed compared to Omelas and Exodus’ combined but the leniency left room for far too many injustices.

 

There was a high chance of dying right now if those officers come through the door and start shooting everywhere.

 

It was legal too.

 

( But how could it even be illegal if the government never thought of it as a concern? )

 

Jooheon thought of the times growing up with Hyunwoo and Grandpa Son. Mornings when Grandpa Son went out to work at the dry and dying fields leaving Hyunwoo to worry about his Grandpa possibly getting shot dead. Afternoons when both of them went out to play with the other neighbourhood children and maybe getting beaten by the officers for just running on the empty neighbourhood streets. And nights when they slept while Grandpa Son and Jooheon’s parents were counting their rations before dawn visited again and again.

 

He felt the chain around his neck disappear but there was an increasing weight in his right hand, his fingers grasping onto a rectangular block. It got heavier as seconds passed but Jooheon trusted Hani’s creations. She wasn’t the underground genius for nothing.

 

“Jooheon, look.”

 

He directed his gaze to his right hand, slowly peeking at whatever took place in his hold.

 

It was a small pistol, a perfect fit in his grasp. Sleek black and designed with a minimalistic theme in mind, it felt like carrying a small notebook instead.

 

“It’s obviously not as light as feather, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “What’s cool though is that this is made from your metal. There’s some tweaking to it on the atomic scale to achieve this effect but the only other thing added to it is a sensor and a tiny chip that coordinates the whole deconstruction and reconstruction process, courtesy of the amazing W3NDY and 0NEW.”

 

“I still cringe whenever I hear those names,” Yoongi admitted. “They could’ve just gone for Wendy and ONEW as it’s pronounced but noooooo.”

 

Yixing waved his hand over his left ear where a tiny headpiece hid. “Thank goodness those two are in the government. Did you know how much of the world’s archive they have access to? It’s ridiculous!” he yelled excitedly. Kyungsoo hit him at the back of his head, muttering a curse under his breath along the lines of don’t yell you dumbass! We’ll get caught!

 

Jooheon’s eyes widened at the mention.

 

“Do they have access to all of the world archive? How big is the archive? What do they cover, what about journals?” he blurted out in one breath. The recollection of the bunker books occupied his focus and maybe they’ll be able to find out more about those blue flowers.

 

Jungkook pouted, “Hyung, what is it? What is it what is it? “ he sat on one of the wooden stools then dragged the stool across the room. The sound of the friction from the floor and the legs echoed painfully in their ears to which Kyungsoo hissed. The boy grinned sheepishly at his actions and muttered a few apologies.

 

Jooheon pondered. Montre was way behind Omelas and Exodus City in terms of development so there wasn’t much access that they could have. Their infrastructures were poor in comparison to Omelas’ lit highways and more so when compared to the blinding hectic life of Exodus’ urban landscape.

 

( But where there were the wealthiest, there lived the poorest. )

 

( So,what are we if we’re not from there but living like this, Mummy ? )

 

( Lucky. We’re lucky, Seok-ah. )

 

It was a gamble they should be willing to take. After all, no one but the seven of them knew where the bunker was. Kihyun trusted Yoongi anyway, and Namjoon was an old-time friend. He liked to claim he was a good judge of character but he doubted the trust he has in them.

 

“Jooheon, we could just ask them vaguely you know?” Hoseok whispered in his ear. “Let me handle this. “ Jooheon let go of the pistol, the empty weapon deconstructing its form and reshaping itself back into the shape of an X hung snugly around his neck.

 

“The necklace is customisable by the way. I’ll transfer the code for it to Changkyun-hyung later! They’re all basic designs like the one you have on right now but don’t worry, it’s easy to modify so you can personalise it to your taste~” Jungkook hummed.

 

Hoseok smiled at the boy – Jungkook’s legs kicked in the air and he looked like a 12 year old child sheltered from the world’s calamity. Ironic given how he was raised by six other boys who knew nothing but struggle. Hoseok’s got to give the Omelas crew credit – after the riot that snatched tens of thousands and basically killing off most of the people before the compromise came into effect – each of them had been a Demian, a child whose freedom was given up for the sake of millions of those in Omelas. And the boy in front of him, Jeon Jungkook had been the last one before Omelas became a ghost town.

 

He laughed at Jungkook’s cute bunny-like expression, reminded him of himself when he wanted to get out of trouble with Kihyun using Changkyun’s weakness for him. After all, the three of them were childhood friends. Kihyun just had to grow up faster than them.

 

“Hey, do you guys know any blue flower?” the blond smoothly asked.

 

Namjoon’s eyes lit up at the question, excitement filling his veins. “Jin-hyung has some records from his dad’s flower shop! Why do you need them though?” the youth questioned.

 

Hoseok let his fingers run through his locks and heaved a sigh. “You know how Min and Ki get. For some reason they started planting flowers all around the warehouse and Hyungwon said there weren’t enough blue to cure his depression. Needs more blue to match his blue. Min knew it was Hyungwon’s dosage of mandatory self-depreciation and yet he still begged me to find some blue flowers. But I don’t want common ones, get what I mean? “ he explained.

 

The pink-haired man hummed in understanding, his hands curled underneath his chin. At that moment, Jooheon cackled because he looked like Hyunwoo in deep thought ( read : thinking about dinner ). “I get what you mean. Taehyung asks me the weirdest things sometime too and it’s hard to refuse even when it’s like – asking for a chicken with duck feet. Just because he bet with Jimin that someone from Exodus has probably done a freak experiment like that.”

 

“Which they did, by the way. But not with chickens and ducks. Have you ever seen a rabbit with body like a mite? I cried so hard when a number of them escaped from the labs and found them right next to me after I woke up. Rich people have nothing else to do with their money but they never give us any, “ Yixing wailed bitterly.

 

Namjoon snapped his fingers at Hoseok, gave him his signature wink – his way of saying fair trade – “I’ll have Jungkook transfer it to you, hyung. I’ll try to scour through the archive if Hani-noona agrees to share her access with me. In the meantime, thanks for the metal, hyung!”

 

Hoseok waved him off and said about how it wasn’t a big deal and they needed the fuel for the jeep anyway, so they were in luck that it happened when it did.

 

Jungkook excitedly carried the boxes over his shoulder without an ounce of hesitation then spluttered his goodbye before the weight proved to be too much for his physique. Yoongi scoffed at the act before bidding his own farewell with Yixing trailing behind.

 

Namjoon and Kyungsoo sighed.

 

“Again, thank you hyung for these. I wouldn’t know how else we’d be able to arm ourselves had it not been for this loot”

 

“It’s really no biggie. Just make sure to send us updates on your end and call us once in a while, yeah? “ Hoseok scratched his neck. Kyungsoo hummed in agreement, threw a look at the small truck Yixing drove all the way to the dead streets of Montre. “It was nice seeing you again, Hoseok. Don’t do anything stupid without us, yeah?” he eyed the blond. Hoseok chuckled in response, grateful that Kyungsoo’s playful nature finally came out despite it was their time to depart.

 

“You too. Have a safe trip back to Hell.”

 

Kyungsoo sent him a middle finger. He turned to Namjoon, both ready to leave. Their silhouettes sliwly faded into the hazy grey background of Montre, joining the others at the other end of the street where it joined with the highway.

 

As Kyungsoo and Namjoon left the shop, Jooheon gulped down his worries.

 

“Do you think the journal has something to do with this? “ the boy’s eyes were glossy and shaking, fear evident in his gaze. Hoseok could only return it with pity.

 

“It’s shady, but let’s just hope there’s a solution in there somewhere.”

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my phone broke and my dumbass didn't save a back-up file of this on pc or on google drive. this was practically salvaged and whatever the original plot i had for this chapter.... i couldn't remember it ;___; so yep, i scrapped it together and tried to remember at least... how i wanted it to go and end ;___;

At first, Hyungwon ignored them. Minhyuk and Kihyun bickering were nothing new in fact if they didn’t nag eacb other’s head off at least once a day, it’d worry them all. Their usual banter would consist of Minhyuk picking on Kihyun’s traits and then Kihyun returning it with a diss of his own taste or the other way around. Otherwise, it would be a sneaky Changkyun’s fault that none of them were getting dinner or a good night’s sleep because the two November boys were too busy giving each other the cold shoulder that it unsettled everyone else.

But this time, he couldn’t turn a blind eye. Or to be more accurate, let it fall on deaf ears.

“That hurts, dumbass!” Kihyun yelped, his nails dug deep into his own flesh. The dug left bright red marks on the pale skin. Bruises would form maybe, in the next few hours. Minhyuk scowled, a burning desire to pinch a flab of Kihyun’s thighs in retaliation. This was normal for them – their arguments had always been harsh – the words they threw at each other and the sentiment were all cold and cruel but the duo would never put such acts at a reason for petty grudges.

But they were in Hoseok’s small workspace where tools were scattered everywhere. The sharp scalpels Hoseok had put away in a small metallic box was right next to Minhyuk’s feet, the toolbox he kept away was on the shelf a few centimetres above Kihyun’s head, and the table Kihyun laid on was never meant to be permanent – shaky and vulnerable to even an accidental bump.

One mistake and the whole place could fall apart.

“Can you guys fight somewhere that isn’t here? “ Hyungwon whined. There was the slight worry for the two but Hyungwon’s complaint lied in the pitiful state of the tiny room and Hoseok’s temper. Though the space didn’t seem adequate for any sort of work, it was where the blond had most of his work done, his expertise in the machinery excelled in there, and his careful precise hands brought Kihyun back on his feet. It was where miracles were birthed.

But hell was slowly rising along with the volumes of the two men’s shrieks.

Hyungwon watched them throw venomous words carelessly, their faces turned red evident by the flushed tips of their ears. No matter how many times he had gone through this, Hyungwon could never get used to it.

He picked up a toolbox stashed away under one of Hoseok’s work desks, opened it up and chose a small scalpel the latter often used to dissect petals. Hyungwon slammed the blunt end on the hard metallic surface, the impact boomed in the room and brought the bickering two out of their fight.

Hyungwon glared at them with sharp eyes. “If you two don’t stop, I won’t hesitate bitch, “ he spat and slammed the blunt end once more. The tension between Minhyuk and Kihyun didn’t leave but it shifted to the lanky male. Kihyun let go of his grasp on Minhyuk’s wrists and grabbed an old pillow stained with age and midnight coffee breaks. There were bloodstains too, but Kihyun didn’t want to see them. Never did.

_It reeked of phantom ache._

He put the pillow up and successfully covered himself with it a small feat considering he was already tiny in the first place. “Try me, bitch”- Kihyun dared - “Stab me. If you can.”

Minhyuk’s eyes widened.

He slapped the younger’s knee with a steeled look.

Hyungwon knew that look. He heard Kihyun’s gasped ‘ _oh_ ’

He rested the scalpel on the desk and prepared himself for the headache that’s about to come. “Hyung,you don’t have to be so defensive about it all the time. It’s no big deal, okay? You don’t have to worry about me,” the lanky man pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’m not frail,” Hyungwon said. He walked closer to the bed, each step taken slowly. “I’m better now, you don’t have to be so cautious with everything.” He eyed them both with heavy breaths inhaled. The fast beatings in his chest made him wonder if he really did get better. But he wanted to, he knew he did. He left the place, and he was here with them.

_Small steps, Hyungwon._

“Okay.”

And that was good for him. Hyungwon didn’t want them to apologise, not over this. Not over something that was a simple friendly banter. Because if they did – that just meant they had been careful around him, walls put up and guarded by boundaries for his sake - they weren’t themselves when he was around.

His heart slowed, matching the pace of the sways of the wilting lavenders outside blown by the wind.

He inched closer but settled on a wooden stool by the side of the bed. He sat there millions of times before but he had never gotten used to how wobbly it felt. Hyungwon wondered how did Hyunwoo deal with it. Probably because of that ‘power of love’ talk he read in the romance novels left by Hoseok’s mother. He shuddered at the thought because 1) flashes of Hyunwoo and Kihyun’s kissing times went in his head and 2) the fact that a big soft bear was actually dating a demonic spawn shaped as a hamster was his reality.

“Stop that, I know you’re thinking of me, “ Kihyun hissed. Minhyuk pouted with faux jealousy wretched in his expression. “Won~ How could you think of another man while I’m right here~My heart,” he hit his own chest “is hurting, “ and faked a cough. Kihyun reached out and twisted Minhyuk’s nipple to which the older yelped in pain and almost toppled off the bed.

Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “How did you know I was thinking about you?”. The shorter male squinted his eyes, his gaze directed towards him. “You have the same look of disgust whenever you see me and Hyunwoo-hyung get touchy. “ The scowl Kihyun had on his face brought Minhyuk into a fit of laughter.

“No one told you to be horny 14 year olds whenever you’re in the same room. It smells of pubescent sex whenever you two look at each other.”

“Fuck you, go back to that damn book of yours, nerd,” Kihyun threw a pillow at Hyungwon’s face.

Minhyuk laughed again, but helped take the pillow away from his boyfriend. “Speaking of books, what’s in that bunker book?” the snow-white questioned, in reference to the archived journals they took from the hidden place. Hyungwon shrugged. He scrambled his thoughts for a moment, wondered how to tell and what exactly to start with.

“Well, to start off the author’s super creative. The blue flowers’ called blue flowers,” he snickered. “ But there was something about how wishes can be granted with it. Depending on the way you extract its juice-“ Kihyun snorted “- shut up, midget. Where was I? Oh yeah, juice. So, depending on the way you extract its juice, you’ll either have it for free or pay a fee. Oh, that rhymed, “ Hyungwon whistled.

The oldest of the three quirked up. “A fee?”

Hyungwon shrugged again.

“I’ve read only a few pages but skimmed through it all. Most of the book were diagrams, drawings of the flowers’ anatomy. Inks of purple and blue splattered everywhere and running in blotches. The author’s handwriting were basically chicken scratches so it’s hard to decipher them. “

“Lots of talk for someone who writes like a 3 month old,” Kihyun fired.

Hyungwon wanted to counter instead he pursed his lips and pinched Kihyun’s sides. “Ow!” the older winced, his hand rubbed the spot in slow ciecles each came with a groan of disdain. “You deserved it, “ Minhyuk snickered, his grin wide and radiant.

The two bicker once more, but this time it was of playful nature. Hyungwon got them both tuned out, their voices became hushed muffled whispers until it eventually got overhwlemed by the rining in his ears.

The ringing were loud, but he knew it wasn’t really there. That there wasn’t anything actually wrong with his ears. It was just him. Felt out of place once again as he had done so many times before.It was just Hyungwon, just him entering a space where everyone felt out of reach, where he felt like he didn’t deserve to be in the same place.

He knew he can, he just felt that he couldn’t.

The lanky man submerged himself in it and let the waves rock him away. The feeling came like a sudden storm at sea and he was the shipwreck caught in it. But Hyungwon didn’t feel anything. He drifted along, and had the pitter-patter of raindrops shower him.

Minhyuk’s voice rang in the space, and once again, Hyungwon found himself at home where there weren’t any shipwrecks, no crashing waves, or in a sea without boundaries. He was there in a room, on a stool half his age in a rundown abandoned warehouse he found safety and comfort in.

Minhyuk smiled at him, and Hyungwon felt the other’s long skinny fingers grasping his and wondered when it started. He could never tell when but Hyungwon was glad that they would always, always be there to bring him back even for a short while. Made things worthwhile whenever he went to that space. Reminded him that he was fine, he was safe, accepted and loved.

Hyungwon returned the cheeky grin and just like that, he was in the space that he loved : the one where he was on a raft carried by calmed waves to a shore.

_X_

_– JOOYOUNG X_

_I failed again._   
_I don’t deserve to be a part of this._   
_Even if I still have enough Smeraldo to continue – I will still fail._   
_A thousand cycles, no, maybe tens of thousands already._   
_I cannot remember._   
_I don’t know how many times I’ve done this._   
_Lived through this._   
_There are too many cycles-_   
_But none are taken with me._   
_I am weary, I am close._   
_No matter how many times I try to at least bring something from one cycle to another,_   
_I am the only thing that can move forward._   
_Am I even moving forward if all I do is repeating my day?_   
_It will end up the same._   
_I do not know what went wrong._   
_What does the flower want?_   
_What does this damned flower need?_

_I am at my wits’ end._  
 _I’ve seen too many outcomes, similar but never the same._  
 _No matter what I wished and undo,_  
 _No matter what I did with that blue flower_  
 _Not even with the Smeraldo, not with the fruits of EXODUS_  
 _The results are always pointing me to one direction :_  
 _To come back to the starting point and do it all over again_  
 _Suffer once more_.

_How many more times until we get this right?_   
_I’m starting to wonder how many times did those people before me take_   
_Did they wish for 150 times and then decide to stop?_   
_A million perhaps?_   
_We never knew because there couldn’t be any records._   
_We never knew because what was a thousand cycles to them, we only saw once of it._   
_We only knew they did their best but fell victim to it._

_This flower is kind yet cruel._

_This is the X-Clan’s will._

“Whatcha reading~?” Minhyuk hummed. He slithered his arms under Hyungwon’s torso and hugged him from behind. He perched over the taller’s shoulder and words swam into his vision.

Hyungwon put down the book. It felt so uncomfortable to read – like he was reading a will. Or a death letter. A cult message, perhaps? He didn’t know how to call the journal, the words the author, - Jooyoung, was it? - strung up together. Honestly, it felt he just read a horror-fantasy novel.

“Ki’s on call with Hyunwoo-hyung and Changkyun so you gotta deal with my annoying ass,” Minhyuk said as he peppered kisses in Hyungwon’s locks of hair. The younger groans in fake disgust at the display of affection but truthfully, he welcomed it. It felt nice to be loved and wanted, especially bt someone who reciprocated the warmth you had for them.

Hyungwon hummed, his head bobbed for the sake of it. “I have no idea. The more I read, the more confused I get. What exactly is this? “ he questioned. “It’s so cryptic and creepy. Something about a blue flower and... and an X-Clan?”

“X-Clan?”

The younger made a noise similar to a whine of annoyance. “It sounded like a cult. I’ve read like, maybe three journals already and all if them are documented as a part of the X-Clan archives. One of the journal’s specifically for the blue flower’s anatomy itself but the rest.... they’re like the authors’ experiences and experiments with it. I’d like to imagine these are fiction because the writing is just.... so poor. “

  
“But it managed to creep you out, though?”Minhyuk noted.

“Not the point”

Minhyuk nodded. “Pray tell, what is the point? “

“The point is that there was a cult called the X-Clan and for some reason they were hung up on this blue flower they named delphiniums. Something about the flower that was so fascinating it inspired them to form a cult. That’s creepy. Maybe it’s a brainwashing plant,” Hyungwon elaborated. His boyfriend tried to process the last few words and when he did, he let out a bright laugh. The one Hyungwon fell in love with a few years back.

“Okay, what else?” Minhyuk encouraged.

“There’s also.... the Smeraldo flower and the Tree of Life in here.”

Minhyuk perked up, intrigued by the words that spilt out of his boyfriend’s mouth. “You mean...Omelas’ Smeraldo and Exodus’ tree? Those? “ his eyes widened, brown orbs glimmered with oddity. Minhyuk didn’t move from his spot but reached out for the book in Hyungwon’s hands. The younger saw what he did and gave the journal to him.

Minhyuk flipped through the pages, his eyes skimmed through the words rapidly as he tried to make sense of the content.

True to Hyungwon’s words, most of it were drawings of the blue flower : vivid blue inks stained the pages forming the petals but thin yellow lines sprouted from the centre. Some of the flowers looked different but he assumed they were just stages of life ; the cycle of the flower’s birth and death. They weren’t lifelike at all – since clearly these authors were more to researchers than artists but Minhyuk could feel the flowers pulsing through each page.

The journal was more to a diary – whatnot with (Jooyoung, was it?)’s entries of his day-to-day life. Bits of his discoveries were here and there, scattered and never in one place written in black ink that ran and faded at some parts. Still readable, albeit barely.

Minhyuk noted the similarity of all the entries : it revolved around the blue flora.

Whatever this Jooyoung worked on – it was on this flower that seemed impossible to exist, and Omelas and Exodus City were a part of it.

“Should we ring them up? Maybe the Omelas and Exodus crew have an idea on what’s... all of this? “ Minhyuk asked, the last part of his question laced with concern. Could they have accidentally stepped into a forbidden territory? An unknown space?

Hyungwon hummed, not really knowing what to do with the discoveries. He supposed that they should ask Hyunwoo later.

His head started to hurt and Hyungwon felt a wave of sudden exhaustion hit him. He closed his eyes, his ears listened to Minhyuk’s fingers flipping the pages gently and the older’s mutters as he read out the book.

“Damn, this book is creepy. I feel cursed just reading it, “ Minhyuk scowled. Hyungwon wanted to laugh at the statement since he felt the same way, but all he could manage at the time was a small nod. Minhyuk noticed the change but his scowl turned into a gentle smile. He let one of his arms free from under Hyungwon’s body and threaded the younger’s hair with them. Soft, black locks played around as he curled them with his fingers and sometimes patted.

This is our salvation.   
This is the X-Clan’s goal.   
The sacrifices we made, they’re all for a wish.   
We just want this to be over.   
We just want our children to live.   
We just want our world back.

Minhyuk flipped to another page, this time with Xs marked on the spread each styled differently.

_This is our legacy._   
_It’s okay if I can’t see the light of this._   
_It’s okay if I don’t get to taste my fruits._   
_This is the X-Clan’s goal and I had always known._   
_Ji-Hyun, Dong-Rim, Jung-Gi..._   
_Hyorin...Dasom_   
_Bora,Si-Young..._   
_I’m going to continue our dream._   
_I cannot fail, I cannot stop, I must not stop until I get there._   
_I may never be able to meet all of you again, I don’t know where you guys are._   
_But even so, this tattoo makes me feel at home with all of you._   
_There are so many things I want now_   
_I want to see my sons_   
_Has Gunhee started talking? Is Seokwon walking yet?_   
_I keep wondering about Minkyun, Yoonho, Yoosu and Kwangji too. How are they?_   
_Please take care of them well_   
_I can’t be the father I should be_   
_But_   
_I want to die leaving behind a world where they can live in._   
_I may never be able to get them birthday presents or bedtime kisses, I’m an awful father and uncle, aren’t I?_   
_I’m shitty._   
_But this_   
_I hope this works._   
_I have to make it work._   
_This is my oath to the X-Clan._   
_-JOOYOUNG X_

They were simple words, Minhyuk knew, but the sincerity and the longing were all over that he felt sad too. He was an empathetic person so easily affected by people no matter how hard he tried to push the boundaries.

He looked over Hyungwon’s shoulder, not at all surprised at how the younger had fallen asleep so quickly while he read a page. He closed and put the book away under their creaking bed and wrap his arms against Hyungwon’s waist, decided that he could read it later before dinner. He breathed in the younger’s scent ,face nuzzled at the neck. Hyungwon squirmed in his sleep but didn’t wake up from the stirring. He groaned aloud and Minhyuk chuckled at the act.

Minhyuk wondered if the Jooyoung guy ever got back to his family. Did he succeed? How many times did it take in the end? Why would they need the Smeraldo and the Tree of Life?

But the question that pondered the most in his mind as he was lulled to sleep by the warmth of Hyungwon’s embrace and the love living in their small home was just one :

_What is the X-Clan?_

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a sprinkle of showki and a baby changkyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've had a bad time recently and basically the only thing that's keeping me together right now is monsta x
> 
> congrats to our boys for four wins!!
> 
> after years of following them, i finally get to witness consecutive wins.... i feel like a proud parent lol
> 
> unbeta'ed

The sun bade a farewell an hour ago with the moon coming in for its timely shift - but that didn’t deter the man from waiting outside covered in a quilt worn down by age. He had been waiting for hours as he usually did : a routine he was too afraid to break. He was on the lookout for the silhouette of a familiar large car accompanied by the roars of its decades-old engine. But alas, Mother Nature mocked him with her crickets’ chorus and the chill of an uninvited autumn’s night.

 

Hoseok and Jooheon had long returned home, containers of fuel stacked on top of one another on a trolley they found at a bridge somewhere. They came back at their usual time – at 6:00 PM sharp as promised when they first decided to continue running Ms Lee’s small shop. Dusk was a time where neither the Sun went to sleep nor the Moon woke up fully charged, a time when the officers were too tired to continue their shifts but it was also the hour when rats came out of their holes and owls hunt their preys.

 

He heard the warehouse being lively whatnot with Minhyuk probably pulling Jooheon’s leg once a while with pranks and Hoseok joining in. There were shrieks-Jooheon’s, and Hyungwon’s laughter resonated within the warehouse but also echoed out the door into the vast open fields.

 

It was cold waiting outside, but Kihyun felt even colder knowing their family wasn’t complete.

 

Hyunwoo had called him first a few hours after they left. He told him how the lunch Kihyun cooked was as delicious and full as always, how Changkyun was being annoying and almost abandoned him to die ( “Hyung, you snitch!” Changkyun’s voice boomed over the phone), how it was cold down in the bunker that he regretted not listening to Jooheon’s worries and take the thick padded jackets along but what got him the most was the nursery they found.

 

A secluded room where it seemed impossible to gain access to any sort of water source, zero lights, and no signs of whatever plants have as basic needs – but blue flowers thrived in there. Pulsing, vividly blue petals proudly glowed and illuminated the room in its blue hue like lightbulbs.

 

“It was scary being in there! It was like the flowers were whispering! Hyung, I don’t wanna go in there anymore please send Minhyuk-hyung?”Changkyun had begged. Kihyun heard Hyunwoo’s muffled snort but Changkyun whined again.

 

He hadn’t told the rest about the discovery. Not yet, maybe when they were all home. It felt coincidental at one point in his wonder that the blue flowers were the ones the books talked of : a figment of unrealistic description and cryptic texts found in a heavily-locked room in a hidden bunker.

 

Kihyun wanted to laugh at the circumstance : it sounded like an mystery cum puzzle RPG he used to play with Changkyun back at the orphanage while they waited for the papers to process and had the government throw them into the streets.

 

His eyes were droopy, slowly getting drowsy from the medications he took an hour before. Hoseok had told him to wait inside the cold bad for his legs and may render him immobile but he was adamant – insisting that the water they bathed with was colder than the evening air and his legs worked just fine. The older gave up but periodically he brought a pot of hot tea as the younger waited for the other two to return.

 

Kihyun heard his pocketwatch going tictoctictoctictoc. The more he heard, the more he worried. Did they get caught by the officers? Snuffed out? Why didn’t they pick up his calls?

 

The dread settled in slowly, in the same way the Sun dipped into the darkened skies.

 

He closed his eyes, counting numbers to the ticking watch. A sheep for three seconds, a sea for seven seconds, and repeat.

 

Then a familiar roar came, the sounds echoed by the tall trees of the forest around him. The roars are muffled but Kihyun didn’t need it to come close just to know what they were. He wanted to get up but Hoseok had just fixed the insertions before so he decided against it. There wasn’t a need for him to do so anyway – the revving of the engine had already made itself synonymous with Hyunwoo’s return since long ago.

 

A black silhouette came into view and Kihyun’s heart raced even faster. The silhouette got larger and the roaring got louder – just like his own heartbeat.

 

Soon, Hyunwoo’s jeep went down the gravel road closing the distance between themselves.

 

The jeep halted and the doors swung open, Changkyun emerged from the shotgun seat excitedly. He rounded the jeep and opened the back where the two left their emptied lunchboxes along with a stem-cut of the blue flowers. Hyunwoo took his time to switch the engine off and gently closed the door shut. The older shivered from the cold air hitting his skin, the hair rose up as a defence.

 

“You’re back! “

 

Changkyun turned to his brother huddled in the thick quilt and like the weird child he was, he returned Kihyun’s greeting with a body wave as if imitating a squid.

 

He got a sponge thrown at him but dodged in time and the sponge was left there on the jeep’s hood as Changkyun ran inside the warehouse with the lunchboxes and flowers. The kid was quick on his feet for someone who spent most of his days lazing around on the couch or saying how Kihyun’s cooking was an abomination and disgrace to all the other food.

 

(The last one was always done on purpose. Something he said before when they were kids, when Kihyun had tried to follow their mother’s instructions to make his own dish, when their parents weren’t taken away by an incurable virus that was slowly taking his brother’s life too.

 

Changkyun didn’t plan to stop. It was one of the last few things from the past they could bring to the future after all.)

 

Kihyun hissed at the boy who laughed maniacally as he ran pass him. Changkyun didn’t close the door – the orange hues of the cheap lightbulbs shone out of the room and illuminated the porch, Kihyun along with it.

 

Kihyun was about to chastise his brother for letting the cold air in but calloused hands held his.

 

Hyunwoo knelt in front of the brunet and exhaled puffs of warm breath onto Kihyun’s small, cold and chubby ones. “Why didn’t you wait inside? It’s freezing, “ he commented. He locked gazes with his boyfriend whose teeth were chattering from the chills hitting his bones. Kihyun didn’t have the decency to be ashamed, he just pouted his lips and scrunched his nose.

 

“I wanted to make sure you two came home.”

 

Hyunwoo gripped the smaller hands even tighter his breaths ghosting over them in huffs. “You could have done it inside,” the larger’s thumb rubbed the Kihyun’s heels. I’m here. Changkyun’s here. We’re home. We made it back safely and this isn’t a dream. “You don’t have to worry about us all the time. I know the ways.”

 

Kihyun wanted to snort – Hyunwoo knew the ways that was obvious but so did Min’s parents and look where they were : bodies decayed leaving behind only bones probably. Somewhere. They couldn’t afford to tail the two to where they were dumped and left to die from the administered poison, not when said two chose that over letting people find Minhyuk. He was a loved bastard that man – child out of wedlock, his parents’ pride and joy but the state’s disgrace and a walking stigma.

 

“Carry me inside, Hyung!” he dragged out the last syllable on purpose. Kihyun freed his hands from Hyunwoo’s grasp and the younger spread his arms wide only to hang them around his boyfriend’s neck. The taller rolled his eyes at the childlike act but did as he was told anyway.

 

He moved slightly so that Kihyun’s legs were on his sides and then slipped his hands under the smaller’s bottom, his palm holding from under. Effortlessly Hyunwoo stood up and Kihyun instinctively wrapped his legs around the taller’s waist feeling a bit giddy when his bottom cheeks felt warm from his boyfriend’s palms.

 

Kihyun grinned showing all of his teeth including the silver one hidden at the very back – dimples rested under his eyes when he did and all Hyunwoo wanted to do was coo at them.

 

But he didn’t because he leant forward – closing their distance until their foreheads touched.

 

“Boop.”

 

“Boop. “

 

Then he did.

 

Hyunwoo let out his signature dad laugh ( according to Jooheon, maybe he was born to be a Dad. Everything about Hyunwoo screamed Dad.) and Kihyun nuzzled his nose on the older’s.

 

They were going to be fine, even if only in that moment.

 

X

 

The door creaked open and Kihyun quirked his brows. It was too quiet to be Hyunwoo whose footsteps were heavy. Plus, the man had just left to go shower.

 

He didn’t move from his spot and his eyes never left the door.

 

The door creaked again and the small man could see a familiar tuft of russet hair peeking from behind. He frowned. Changkyun would just barge into his and Hyunwoo’s shared room whenever he wanted to talk with his brother but this time he didn’t even knock.

 

“Hyung?”

 

 Changkyun’s voice was unusually soft and full of uncertainty. The boy reminded the older of a terrified puppy.

 

“Come in, Kkung,” Kihyun invited. His brother nodded and let himself inside, his fingers fidgeting with one another and his eyes downcast at the uninteresting floor. He walked small steps until he stopped short a metre away from the bed. The boy pursed his lips.

 

A few seconds later, he raised his head slightly to look at his brother but his fingers didn’t stop fidgeting. “Can I sleep with you and Hyunwoo-hyung?” Changkyun asked in a hushed voice. Kihyun snorted.”Yeah but don’t complain when he squishes you, brat,” he waved the boy over from his end and Changkyun hopped onto the bed then dived under the covers.

 

He crawled up to where the pillows where and plopped himself next to his brother. Changkyun closed in on the distance until he was snuggling the older. Kihyun felt ticklish when the boy nuzzled his face in his shoulder but instead of his usual nagging, he just ruffled the soft hair. “Did something happen, Kyun?”

 

The younger shook his head. “Nothing actually happened. Just...”

 

“Just?”

 

“I just miss them. “

 

Ah.

 

Kihyun trailed his right hand over his brother’s back and rubbed circles between the shoulder blades. Changkyun buried his face in his chest letting the embrace comfort him as the overwhelming longing took over. Times like this wore Kihyun down : another reminder that Changkyun deserved parents who could love and afford to bring him up. Not a brother who was crippled and couldn’t even leave the house.

 

“I miss them too. I miss Mum’s singing,”Kihyun mused.

 

Their mother was a loving woman, just like how mothers should be. She wasn’t tall, rather had a petite stature that was probably a reason why the both of them were stuck at the pitiful height while everyone else were giraffes. A lady from the Yoo family of another district hours away from Montre, but estranged and disgraced for marrying a man from a stranger’s land.

 

Kihyun didn’t remember her clearly. He could barely remember how she looked. There were no pictures left behind – all were burnt into ashes or dumped at the yard so that the two of them wouldn’t become a storage burden at the orphanage. But he knew he looked exactly like her. He knew because Hoseok’s mum said he did, he knew because Changkyun woke him up at night so many times back when they were younger thinking Kihyun was their Mum.

 

“Hyung,you remind me of her. _So much_ ,” Changkyun’s voice croaked at the end. He fisted the front of Kihyun’s shirt, his grip tightened every second. The boy wanted to cry. He didn’t dare to look up, to look at his brother’s face – didn’t dare to look him in the eye. Too alike.

 

A sense of guilt loomed over him heavily. The overwhelming waves crashed rougher than usual and Changkyun begged to whatever deity up there to numb him.

 

It was so, _so_ tiring.

 

“I miss Mum.”

 

The older of the two exhaled. He ran his fingers through the child’s hair, basked in the soft locks. He loved the kid, he truly did. But sometimes, it wore him down. He wasn’t their mother, he wasn’t an adult. He was just his brother, Yoo Kihyun who just had to have their dead mother’s face, who had to take the role at the age of 10 because the system kept failing them.

 

Again and again.

 

The older breathed out. Changkyun was just a child. For more than half his life, Kihyun was all that he had – a brother who had to become a dad and a mum just for him. It wasn’t the boy’s fault. Changkyun needed someone, he had to be that someone.

 

_But he was just a 10 year old boy and children should play not raise._

 

Changkyun felt the tension in his hands as they played with his hair. He listened to Kihyun’s deep even breaths and counted in his mind. By the time the boy reached 50, Changkyun let go of the shirt and instead, wrapped his arms around the older. He closed his eyes shut and his breath hitched.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

 

Kihyun didn’t stop playing with the boy’s hair but as he did, he leaned downwards and kissed the top of the brown tufts. He looked at his brother sweetly, with longing eyes shaped into beautiful crescents and a gentle smile etched onto his face. “It’s alright. We’ll be alright. One way or another, Kkung,” he whispered. “Now go to sleep.”

 

He felt Changkyun nod and bury himself further into his waist. It felt ticklish and honestly, the man wanted to kick his brother off out of reflex but his familial instincts were stronger, overpowering the initial reaction.

 

It didn’t take long for the boy to doze off and by the time Changkyun’s soft snores filled the void of the room, Hyunwoo came in with still-wet hair and a new set of clean clothes. He quirked a brow at the sight of Changkyun and Kihyun returned a hush, fingers pressed against his plump lips. The tanned man shrugged and made his way to the unoccupied side of the bed, and laid on Changkyun’s right making the youngest of the three lay in the middle.

 

“Just fell asleep? “ he asked and Kihyun hummed a yes. Hyunwoo looked over the sleeping child who looked so at peace, so young and innocent. The frown of discomfort on Changkyuns face relaxed into a serene expression and the couple cooed at him softly.

 

Hyunwoo reached to move Changkyun’s bangs out of his face before they get into his eyes. “Ki, do you wanna follow me to the hospital tomorrow?” the man asked in a soft tone, careful to not wake the boy up. Kihyun didn’t look away from his brother but his heart swelled with adoration when his boyfriend cared for the child in between them.

 

“Hoseok tuned my legs a few hours ago so it should be no problem. Just wake Kyun up tomorrow, yeah? I’ll go prepare the food,” he answered. Kihyun sunk into the pillows, squirmed around until he was comfortable under the shared blanket. He stretched his arms over Changkyun and searched for Hyunwoo’s, putting them in his hold when he eventually did find them. The brunet rubbed his thumb over Hyunwoo’s calloused skin and the older leant over to leave a peck on Kihyun’s lips.

 

Hyunwoo blew out the candles, letting darkness consume them immediately. The man settled under the blanket right after, on his side where his right arm went under his pillow but his left crossed over their youngest to hold Kihyun’s waist.

 

“Good night, hyung,” Kihyun said with drowsy eyes.

 

“Good night, Ki, “ Hyunwoo returned with a fear of tomorrow taking his beloved away.

 

×

 

_Kang Ji-Hyun_

_MONSTA VIII : SISTAR Unit_

 

_These flowers are cruel yet merciful._

_Their power is great but so are their price._

_A wish with no boundaries yet rules confine and define whatever happens next._

_They are in your hands now, so please be careful of what you do._

_I cannot stress this enough._

 

_We’ve lost so many things trying to gain something else._

_I still don’t know if it was worth it._

_Little wishes to try again and again. But it’s evident the toll is getting heavier with each time._

 

_YOON BORA : Missing. It appears that no one else but me remembers her. Method 5._

_KIM HYUNG-SOO(B) : Presumed dead. But body was never found. Method 1_

_KIM DASOM : Dead. Concoction failed. Method 3 is lethal._

_YOO SEUNGWOO : Alive but barely. In comatose state. Method 4._

_GO JUNG-GI : Hidden. Method 2._

 

_End of entry._

**Author's Note:**

> This was purely the result of being frustrated at the lack of All In fics, a ShowKi drought, and not many people were aware that Kihyun's character for The Clan was actually suffering from a physical condition that he used crutches (representation of disabilities is a huge thing for me :') 
> 
> It was also the result of months of wanting to draw it out as a comic instead but drawing comics take more time than writing it. So, a lot of those months I was fantasising (lol) of certain scenes for All In and Fighter like the deprived fan I was and then realised 'oh, this can all be a single story lol'.
> 
> If it seemed rushed, then I apologise. I'll do better the next time. Thank you for reading!!


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